Page 1   Humorous Poems extracted from my books

Clicheville USA

This town ain’t big enough for two

Said the villain of the West

At least not two like those that you

Carry high upon your chest.

A man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do

Said the buxom Mae of vest

Even skinny men like you,

Come up and do their best.

Nothing to it but to do it

Said parenthetic Troy

I’ll drop my jeans for a hill of beans

And be your own toy boy.

And so into the sunset red

Rode Mae and her beau svelt

And later in her double bed

She made his butter melt.

Did earth and heaven move and sway

Asked the cowpoke in his socks

No, just a tremor down that way

No Richter seven shocks.

But boy became a Man, stuck fast

On the flanks of great mount Mae

And he weren’t the first and weren’t the last

Why, he was scarce midway.

Two Minds

By the time I was old enough

To realise that a man is always in two minds,

One in his head

And one in his pants,

One of my minds had begun to atrophy

Alarming me with thoughts of my burger years,

Relish juicy with humped succulence

And butcher-shop red with interest.

Years long before mad cows (my mad cows)

Wallowed in Bovine Spongeiform Encephalopathy

Painting enduring images

Of foot-skittering, slip-sliding, eyeball-rolling, tongue-lolling

Wrinkled walnut inanity.

By then, I was beyond consent

Out of out-of-control and just past priapic

No longer propelled to attention

By the jostling and bumping of buses.

But, by a marvel of need-triggered sharing,

My second mind now came into its own

Its curled, nestled warmth concealing a caring that was purest brotherhood.

It substituted joy for libido

And cuddles for a rampant, car-rocking,


on-the-bonnet fecundity.

But do I know

Which of my two minds has gone?

Dear friend, come to my side

And help me remember!